Astonished
by alicemayisbetter
Summary: Tony confesses and Gibbs makes an unwise decision. Slash, Gibbs/Tony. Oneshot.  Rated T purely because I can't recall if there are some very minor swearwords in there.


Sorry I haven't updated all the things I'm supposed to be updating. I am somehow very busy even though it's the summer and I'm not supposed to have anything to do. Anyway, this came to me at like eleven at night and is, like everything else I've written, unbeta'd, so any errors are both my fault and unforgivable.

Disclaimer: No recognizable characters from NCIS or anything else are mine. NCIS is also not mine.

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><p>Tony sat on his couch on a Friday night and made a sidelong glance over at the man drinking beer and eating pizza next to him. Tony opened his mouth to talk and, for the third time that evening, no sound came out.<p>

_Tell him now, DiNozzo, or you'll lose your nerve._

"I… boss?"

Gibbs glanced over at him. "Yeah, Tony?"

"Look, I… I asked you over tonight because I needed to tell you something."

Gibbs looked at him and raised his eyebrows in a gesture that clearly means "Go on."

"I…" Tony took a deep breath. _Here I go_. "I, um, have feelings for you. Like, romantic kinds of feelings. And I'm sorry, I just couldn't lie to you anymore. I promise I won't ever let it affect work or anything, and I—"

Tony stopped abruptly as Gibbs stood up, looking shocked.

"No, boss, I—wait! Please!"

It's too late. Gibbs practically sprinted out the door.

Tony called Gibbs' name one last time and then sat down with a sigh.

_Really well done there, DiNozzo._

_I just outed myself to my superstraight boss, admitted my feelings for him, and then acted like I was expecting him _not_ to be horrified. I'm probably he didn't try to shoot me._

_In barely twenty seconds, I managed to destroy my friendship with Gibbs and most likely my position at NCIS. I'll never have a law enforcement job again. No one wants a gay cop. And worse, I'll never see Gibbs again. I won't be able to hear him talk or look at his amazing eyes or feel him headslap me. Because that's the only way he would be willing to touch me, anyway. As punishment._

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><p>Gibbs managed to find a Starbucks a few blocks from Tony's apartment and stopped to try and rearrange the inside of his brain. He'd been attracted to Tony from the moment he met him in Baltimore. However, he'd filed Tony away as just another hot guy who wasn't anything like interested in other guys. As Tony spent more and more time on his team, it had gotten harder and harder to hold him at arm's length, easier and easier to see how, if he weren't careful, he might let himself start having feelings for Tony deeper than just an occasional surreptitious appreciation of his ass. Or hair. Or eyes. Or smile. Or…<p>

Now he'd been repressing his desire for Tony so long it took a bit of wrestling to get whatever he felt for Tony out of the locked forbidden-thoughts box he stowed away in a dark corner of his mind. He'd lost some of whatever had been in that box when he lost his memory, but he hadn't forgotten, once he knew who Tony was, that Tony was something he wanted but could not have.

Suddenly Gibbs realized that he'd just run out on Tony without saying a thing to even show that he wasn't disgusted by Tony's feelings for him. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Tony's number, but he didn't answer.

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><p>When Tony arrived at NCIS on Monday morning, he'd had the whole weekend to decide what to do.<p>

When Gibbs arrived at NCIS on Monday morning, he'd spent the weekend trying to reach Tony with no results, finally deciding to corner him at work and explain.

Tony acted like nothing ever happened when he first walked in, smiling (did it look a little strained?) and bragging to Ziva about getting lucky with a busty blonde (Gibbs hoped to God that wasn't true).

Gibbs tried to be nicer to Tony, but Tony was trying so hard to pretend Gibbs didn't exist that he wasn't even sure he'd noticed.

Finally Gibbs had enough. He stood and said (did it sound too much like growling?), "DiNozzo, conference room, now."

Tony was scared for a moment but knew it had to happen.

They were barely in the elevator a moment before Gibbs hit the emergency stop.

"Look, Tony, we need to talk. About what happened Friday—"

Tony cut him off. "Don't worry, it's okay, I don't really like you as much anymore. It helps that I know you don't want me. I swear I won't ever let it show up at work. You'll never have to think about it again. We can forget it ever happened. I'll transfer teams if you want. I could get an assignment somewhere else."

Tony switched the elevator back on.

"Tony—" Gibbs grabbed for him. Tony shook him off.

"Tony, no, wait, please—"

The doors opened.

Tony ran for it.

Gibbs banged his head against the wall of the elevator.

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><p>If nothing else, Tony was true to his word: he gave no indication of having any sort of feelings for Gibbs for the rest of the day, barely interacting with him at all except for an email, which Gibbs actually read for once.<p>

_Please inform me whether you would like me to stay here or transfer teams. I've already spoken to the Director and there are positions open for me in other states. You won't have to see me again._

Gibbs was quietly miserable.

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><p>Tony was quietly miserable. He knew he was doing the right thing, but he would miss DC and NCIS HQ. He'd miss Ducky, and Abby, and Ziva, and McGee, and even Palmer. And he would miss Gibbs so much, never seeing those blue eyes, never—<p>

No. He hardened his heart again. He repeated the list he'd assembled over the weekend in his head.

_Gibbs is a bigoted bastard. Gibbs is a homophobe. Gibbs can't tell a good thing if it falls into his lap and tells him it loves him. Gibbs can never love me back. Gibbs is unfeeling. Gibbs is looking depressed. Why is he sad? He's not drinking as much coffee as usual. Is he ok? He—_

_NO. Gibbs is incapable of loving anyone._

He said it over and over again in his mind until he got through the whole list without ever breaking concentration to worry about Gibbs.

Not long before everyone left, Gibbs stood and said, very formally, "DiNozzo. Let's discuss your question in the conference room. I have an answer for you."

Ziva and McGee looked at each other, mystified.

Tony followed Gibbs into the elevator, waiting to hear what would be happening to him, wondering why—if he was really almost over Gibbs—he could suddenly hear his blood rushing in his ears and felt like he might faint.

Once again, the elevator came to a stop. Once more, Gibbs started to talk.

Tony didn't interrupt this time.

"I want you to stay on the team, please, Tony. We need you here. I need you here."

What?

Gibbs stared at him for a second and then said,

"Tony, when you told me how you felt, I was just—shocked. I don't—I don't hate you at all, or anything. It's not like it changes who you are."

He took a breath and Tony spoke. "Thank you, Boss. I appreciate it. Again, I'm sorry about—"

Gibbs suddenly walked toward Tony until he was trapped against the wall. "Don't you dare apologize," he growled.

Then he leaned forward and kissed Tony.

Tony couldn't think. He couldn't move. He couldn't remember, for a moment, where he was or why Gibbs was kissing him, only that _HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, GIBBS IS KISSING HIM._

Gibbs pulled back and looked at Tony with smoldering eyes while Tony leaned against the wall like it was the only thing holding him up (which maybe it was) and tried to figure out how to move or talk.

"See?" said Gibbs. "You're speechless. Completely, utterly astonished. That is exactly how I reacted when you said you wanted me. I didn't run because I was horrified—I ran because I couldn't even figure out how to cope with having everything I ever wanted handed to me on a silver platter. I've wanted you for years, Tony. I just never thought I had a chance with you."

Gibbs waited, nervous. Had he ruined everything by running on Friday? Did Tony even want him anymore?

Tony blinked at him and slowly stood upright again.

"Boss?" he said quietly.

"Yes, Tony?" Gibbs waited on tenterhooks.

"Kiss me again? Please?"

For the next half hour, people arriving in the offices complained that the elevator wasn't working.

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><p>Please review!<p>

Thanks from

Leah


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